Jan 15,2002 (New York, NY) “I’ve had it!” says Joe Sweetlow IV. This job has taken 40 years from me ever since I took over for my father back in 1961. “No more, I quit, all of you SOB’s can just drink coffee from now on!” Joe advised the world on Monday.

Joe Sweetlow IV is the infamous soul that provides the morning “Cup of Joe” to millions of Americans. Every time someone asks for a “Cup of Joe”, they are getting a cup of coffee-like-substance that comes directly out of Joe Sweetlow IV. “Every cup takes a little more out of you, and now there is nothing left. I am a hollow man because all you bastards drank me up!” Joe cursed as he blamed the media and the public at large. “It’s not just the morning rush, which is huge by the way, this is an around the clock job. You have your after dinner rush and those damn programmers that are up all night coding demanding a “Cup of Joe” to keep them going,” Joe added. In an effort to show that he was not just a bitter man, Joe took time to thank and point out the help he has been getting from the Java Brothers. “I want to give a real heart felt thanks to the Java Brothers up in Seattle who have really done a fine job picking up some of my old customers. I love those two guys and I hope that they hold up under the daily pressure better than I did.”

The Java Brothers were unavailable for comment.