Billionaire Eco-Warrior Vows to Screw World on His Death Bed
Posted Tuesday, August 24, 2010 by Staff
(Jacksonville, FL) Billionaire investor Chadwick Sorensen succumbed to complications from Falciparum malaria in a Jacksonville hospital this morning, he was 37. Malaria is caused by a parasite transmitted by the bite of an infected mosquito. The parasites then travel to the liver, where they mature and release merozoites. The merozoites then infect and multiply in the red blood cells after they enter the bloodstream from the liver. The young Chadwick rose to fame in 2005 when he listened to his colon and invested in the TWTC uptick.
Chadwick Sorensen contracted the disease while overseeing his latest Brazilian development project. After spending the last couple of years acquiring and building acai berry plantations for the health and diet supplement industry, Chadwick fell in love with the wealth and beauty of the Amazon Rainforest. Wishing to share the wonder and joy he felt for the Amazon with the world. Chadwick acquired 100,000 hectares of land deep in the jungle along the Amazon River. There Chadwick started the Sorensen Amazon Resort and Eco-Retreat to let the elite and powerful heads of state and industry experience the jungle for themselves. The posh eco-resort was designed to gain the political and financial support needed to save the plants and animals of the rainforest. Being a conscientious steward of the land, Chadwick insisted that the 100,000 hectares not be cleared with fire. While acknowledging that the wood on the land was not prime building material, he still insisted that the wood be used in some form of the resorts construction. In the interest of conservation, Chadwick also decreed that 2 of every plant and animal on the land would be saved to be exhibited in the eco-resort’s educational garden. The garden’s centerpiece would be a 3 story replica of Noah’s Ark that would house the animal exhibits and be surrounded by a moat to give the illusion that the ark was floating. Since the location was so remote and deep in the jungle, the eco-resort and education center would have a private runway for its patron’s private jets to land on. The eco-resort’s airstrip would also be complete with an on-staff customs agent to make it a legal port of entry. The airstrip facilities would also be used to house the fleet of 4 helicopters for the daily forest excursions. Guests would be shuttled via helicopter to plots 3 hectares in size that were cleared in the surrounding forest. There food would be delivered daily to the animals of the forest to provide optimum wildlife viewing for the guests. Construction proceeded at a breakneck pace and Chadwick’s 10,000 SqFt. house was the first to be completed.
Unfortunately for Chadwick the rainy season was incredibly harsh and a bumper-crop of stagnant water and mosquitoes followed. While spending 5 months out of the year overseeing construction, Chadwick was exposed to the violent side of the Amazon. Chadwick Sorensen’s condition deteriorated quickly after contracting Falciparum malaria, finally resulting in his death today as a bitter man.
Angry about the unfair hand he was dealt in life, Chadwick spent his final weeks of life moving his billions into the Chadwick Sorensen Malaria Foundation. The foundation’s charter is to preserve and encourage malaria in the 3rd world. Bitter that malaria would be stomped out or cured too late for himself, Chadwick was determined to make sure his was not the last soul to be taken by the disease. The foundation will donate and fund projects to create pools of stagnant water to help spread the disease. The foundation also will spend billions to counteract the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’s efforts to combat malaria. From lobbying 3rd world governments, to buying up anti-malaria supplies and destroying them, to bribing officials, all options are on the table for this Cayman Island based foundation.
Some have speculated that Chadwick Sorensen’s contraction of the disease coincides too conveniently with his recent IRS court battle. Chadwick’s attorney, Bill Bragg, made it quite clear in his press release this morning that the U.S. government infected Chadwick to silence him before he could beat the IRS in court. Several senators who were big beneficiaries of Chadwick’s fund-raising abilities are now calling for an investigation into the U.S. administration’s involvement with his death.
